The Silent Grief

“The Silent Grief”

I am a fallout,

a wreckage,

a ship once so lovely -

now bones upon a forgotten shore.

🥀 — Crazyhawk

“We had an extensive discussion about the diagnosis of primary ovarian insufficiency/premature ovarian failure. The sequelae of primary ovarian insufficiency include vasomotor symptoms, urogenital atrophy, osteoporosis and fracture, cardiovascular disease, and increased all-cause mortality. Primary ovarian insufficiency has been referred to as “the silent grief” because of the negative self-image and isolation that can develop once a diagnosis is confirmed. People who develop primary ovarian insufficiency are also at increased risk of cardiovascular events and cardiovascular mortality compared with women who do not experience early menopause.”

— MD Chart notes

This is one facet of my recent diagnostic history within the past four months. It took them fifteen years to finally believe me and send me to the right specialist (after seeing five doctors before who started to become suspicious of something like this), only to find out the damage is already done and my life has been stolen from me. I have no words for the devastation of this disease I’ve had since I was twenty-five years old. I turned forty a few weeks ago. I’ve been going through all of this alone. For the past fifteen years, I’ve had the estrogen levels of a ninety-year-old woman.

There are a thousand reasons why I don’t speak up online anymore. The amount of cruelty and ableism I receive in return is horrendous. So, here I go, I need support and kindness, not death threats and despicable behavior.

I’m done with this existence. I know no joy, hope, comfort, or closeness of the love and support I desperately need. If only they had believed me, I wouldn’t be slipping away into oblivion alone.

Please don’t forget about me.

#PrematureOvarianFailure

#palliativecare

#AutoimmunePolyendocrineSyndromeType2