Devour

Content Warning: Trauma - CPTSD

I’ve recognized something about myself recently, and it’s making me really sad. When I’m with others or alone and find myself triggered because of my CPTSD, I keep saying, “It’s just my Trauma.”

For a while, I thought this recognition was progress. It’s not. While it’s good to recognize what’s happening and why, I’ve shoved my pain so far down so I won’t upset anyone. I continue to minimize my pain and fear. Now, all I feel is alone, sad, and disappointed in myself as a human. The child inside of me is screaming in her cage. Every single time I say “just” my Trauma, she dies a little more inside. And I, the prison guard and prisoner feel I’ll never be safe. If you don’t honor your Trauma, it will devour you.

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