Kidney Failure

Well, my cardiologist called me yesterday. Both my kidneys are failing and I need surgery as soon as possible. I am in shock.

And I am very angry. I've had alarmingly high blood pressure since I was fifteen years old. My blood pressure has been very resistant to treatment. But every single doctor kept throwing a different pill at it.

It took months of convincing and another six months of waiting to see a cardiologist. Concerned, my cardiologist asked why I've never had a renal ultrasound. Well, I told him, "because I'm a low income, marginalized, woman in a country that could care less about her."

I had my tests done day before yesterday. My cardiologist called me yesterday morning. Kidney failure would account for my high blood pressure, anemia, and low vitamin D. And I'm sure a hell of a lot more. I have no idea how I will get through this alone. I suppose the same way I've been forced to do everything else alone. And when I say alone, I mean - with no one here to give me a fucking hug.

Here's to another trip to the darkness. Batten down the hatches.